Kind of sorta devastated

So, tomorrow, I'm dropping Little Miss off at the babysitter, because I need some time alone. I need to think. Because honestly I don't know what to do.

I went to the gynecologist on Monday, to find out what's going on with my ovaries, and I learned that they're not functioning properly. They're causing me a lot of pain, due to a large amount of cysts that are growing on them, and I have to go through all these labs and ultrasounds and things like that. I have no problem doing that, at all.

But he mentioned my ability to have children. He said I might not be able to have any, if I wait much longer, due to the state of my ovaries and I'm only 21. Even if I get pregnant, there's a good chance that I would have a miscarriage. I thought I would have more time than a month to decide whether or not to get pregnant in the near future, you know? And Justin says 'no, we're not having any kids right now. I want to give you a child, just not right now' and I can't help it, but I feel like shaking him and screaming 'IF I DON'T HAVE ONE NOW I MIGHT NEVER HAVE ONE!' then bursting into tears. I feel irrational and stressed out and selfish because I want to have a baby before I can't have one anymore. I don't care if they have to remove my ovaries or whatever right after the birth,  I just want one.

I've been feeling down and depressed and worried and I just want to be left alone because I don't know what to think. Everyone but Fiance, family included, is just telling me that I should try to get pregnant now. But Fiance's refusing it. I'd like to say that I understand his reasoning behind it, and I do, to an extent, but I just don't think he understands how I feel about it.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love Little Miss. I love her with every fiber of my being, and I wish that I'd been the one to give birth to her. And I'm not saying I'm going to treat her like a stepchild - she will always be my daughter - I just want to experience being pregnant, having a baby, being there the whole time and raising the baby from birth, not just walking in when they're almost two. And I feel selfish for wanting that too. I feel selfish and ridiculous for even writing this. I don't have anyone really to talk to, because it's either I'm told to get pregnant by family or told no by Fiance and I want to talk to my doctor about it but I can never get a hold of him! Ugh.

Is it wrong that I'm feeling like this? I think it is,  I think that I shouldn't be like this but I am and it hurts. Fiance says he'll love me anyway, but how am I supposed to love myself if I can't do the one thing that almost every woman wants to do?